The Friendship Files Part 2

Maintaining Old Friendships Across Distance and Time

Hi there. Welcome back to “Your Canadian Senior Moment”!

Yesterday, we talked about making new friends after 60. Today, we’re focusing on something equally important—keeping those old friendships alive, even when distance, busy lives, or simply the passage of time threatens to pull you apart.

There’s something special about old friends. They knew you when your hair was darker and your knees didn’t crack. They remember your children as babies, your career struggles, your triumphs and heartbreaks. They’ve earned the right to finish your sentences because they’ve been there through decades of your story. These friendships are worth fighting for.

Why Old Friendships Drift

Before we talk about solutions, let’s acknowledge why even the strongest friendships sometimes fade:

Geography: Someone moves across the country or even just to a different neighbourhood. What was once a quick coffee date now requires planning and travel.
Life Takes Different Paths: One friend is still working while the other is retired. One is dealing with health issues while the other is traveling the world. Different life circumstances create different schedules and priorities.
Energy Levels Change: You used to stay up late talking for hours. Now you’re in bed by 9 PM and they’re a night owl. What once felt effortless now requires effort.
Assumptions and Hurt Feelings: “She never calls me anymore—she must not care.” Meanwhile, she’s thinking the same thing about you. Nobody wants to be the one who always reaches out first.
The Busyness Trap: “I’ll call her next week when things settle down.” But next week never comes, and suddenly it’s been six months.

The good news? Most of these obstacles are surmountable with a little intention and effort.

The Power of Small, Consistent Contact

You don’t need grand gestures to keep a friendship alive. Small, regular touches work better than elaborate plans that never happen.

The Monthly Phone Date: Pick a day each month—maybe the first Tuesday or the 15th—and call. Put it in your calendar. Even 20 minutes of genuine conversation once a month keeps the connection strong.
Text Messages: “Saw this and thought of you.” Send a funny meme, a photo, or just a “thinking of you today.” Modern technology makes staying in touch easier than ever—use it!
Birthday Cards (Real Ones): In a world of Facebook birthday wishes, a card that arrives in the mail with a handwritten note stands out. It says “I remembered, and I took the time.”
Share Articles or Recipes: When you read something your friend would love, clip it or email the link. “This reminded me of your garden” or “Remember when we talked about this?”
Voice Notes: If you’re not a texter but phone calls feel like too much commitment, try voice messages. Leave a quick message sharing a thought or story. They can listen and respond when convenient.

Making In-Person Visits Count

When you do get together, make it meaningful:

Plan Ahead but Stay Flexible: Having a rough plan (”Let’s meet for lunch at that café we love”) is good, but don’t over-schedule. Sometimes the best visits are the ones where you just sit and talk.
Create New Memories: Yes, reminiscing is wonderful, but also do something new together. Try a new restaurant, visit a museum, take a drive somewhere you’ve never been. Old friends can still have new adventures.
Be Present: Put your phone away. Give them your full attention. In a world of constant distraction, being truly present is a gift.
Don’t Wait for the Perfect Time: Houses don’t need to be spotless. You don’t need to have the energy for a full day. An hour of authentic connection beats a perfectly planned visit that never happens.

Navigating Changes in the Friendship

Sometimes friendships change, and that’s okay. What matters is honouring what you have, not mourning what you’ve lost.

Different Doesn’t Mean Less: Maybe you used to talk daily and now it’s monthly. That’s not a failed friendship—that’s a friendship adapting to new circumstances.
Accept Where They Are: Your friend is dealing with a sick spouse and can’t be as available? Be understanding. Their life is different now, and so are their needs.
Let Go of Scorekeeping: “I called last time, so now it’s their turn.” This mindset kills friendships. If you want to connect, reach out. Don’t keep score.
Be Honest About Your Needs: If you need more contact, say so gently. “I miss our regular chats. Can we set up a monthly call?” Most friends want to maintain the relationship but don’t know what you need unless you tell them.

Long-Distance Friendship Tools

Technology has made long-distance friendships easier than ever:

Video Calls: Seeing a face makes a huge difference. FaceTime, Zoom, WhatsApp video—pick what’s easiest and schedule regular video chats. Have coffee “together” even when you’re provinces apart.
Shared Photo Albums: Use shared albums on your phone to send pictures back and forth. It’s like getting little updates without requiring immediate responses.
Watch Together: Some streaming services let you watch shows “together” while video chatting. Or just agree to watch the same show and then discuss it.
Online Games: Play Scrabble, chess, or cards online together. It gives you something to do while you chat and keeps your brain sharp too.

When Friends Move Away

If your friend has moved to a new city or province:

Plan Annual Visits: Make it a tradition. “Every September, I visit you. Every March, you come here.” Having it on the calendar makes it happen.
Explore Their New Home Together: When you visit, act like a tourist. Let them show you their new favourite spots. It helps you understand their new life.
Send Care Packages: A box of local treats, a book you loved, or just a collection of small things that made you think of them. The effort speaks volumes.

The Gift of Showing Up

Here’s the truth: maintaining old friendships takes effort. But consider what you get in return:

Someone who knows your history and values your story
Shared memories that make you both laugh until you cry
A safe place to be yourself without explanation
Continuity in a world that’s always changing
The comfort of being fully known and still fully loved

Old friends are irreplaceable. They can’t be duplicated or substituted. The investment of time and energy pays dividends in joy, comfort, and belonging.

Our Shared Wisdom: Your Long-Distance Success

How do you keep in touch with an old friend who lives far away? What creative solutions have you found for staying connected despite distance or busy schedules? Share your tips—your strategy might be exactly what another reader needs!

Keep the Conversation Going!

Tomorrow in Part 3, we’ll tackle a sensitive but important topic: when friendships fade, and that’s okay. Sometimes letting go is the healthiest choice, and we’ll talk about how to do it with grace.

Warmly,
Bill and Marilyn
Founders of Canadian Senior Moment